Alison Kiriinya
What three lies do most dating couples believe, and what should they believe instead?
Dating is indeed the most blissful part of a new relationship, isn’t it? Well, that’s the good news. The bad news is, however, that during that period couples move around in a love-induced haze that often blinds them to the truths about relationships. Let me share a few of the lies and their
I can and will be able to change my partner
That annoying habit again – aaargh! Oh well, once we are married, I will make him stop it!
There she goes again; I wish she wouldn’t do that. I guess when we are married she will love me enough to understand why I need her to change.
As well-meaning as the intentions behind these statements are, however, there is absolutely no way you can change someone who you did not create. The motivation for any individual to change a behavior or habit must come from within.
What, then, do you do if you want your partner to change? Simple – ask God to do it! If he does, praise him for it, and if he does not, accept the situation and ask God for the grace to deal with it.
God has sent me a partner to meet my needs
Loneliness, boring weekends, no more solitary movie nights and dinners, etc are some of the things you no longer experience once you start dating, right? Finally, you have someone to talk to, someone who understands you, someone who is there for you…
Suddenly you realize that you have hit the jackpot, and you begin to place more demands on your partner. After all, isn’t that what he or she is there for?
Wait – does this mean there was nobody meeting your needs before you met this person? Where was God? I digress…
So you put more demands on each other, and the relationship gets strained because one partner keeps sucking the life out of the other one. The result? Breakup!
Dear dating couples, there is no person on this earth who can meet all your needs – only God can. As soon as you begin to get serious, therefore, seek to MEET your partner’s needs, with God’s help. The more you give out, the more you will get back, just as when you refuse to give out, you receive the same measure in return.
Most importantly, rely on God to meet your deepest needs, because he created you. He knows you better than anyone else on this earth and is best placed to meet your needs through your partner or any other way he chooses.
Love is the only thing we need to hold our relationship together
Though I agree that love does hold our relationships together, it is not the only thing that keeps them thriving. There will be times when you do not want to see your partner (I have been there, I know that feeling), and there will be moments when you have fleeting moments of dislike, distrust, and disappointment with your relationship. When the bad times come along, do you give up because love has suddenly become a distant memory?
As I thought about this, I remembered this verse from Psalm 127.
Psalm 127:1 “Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the LORD protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.” (NLT)
If you are in a dating relationship right now, one that seems to be heading in a serious direction, it is important that both of you decide what the foundation of your relationship is and will be in the future. The best and surest foundation you can choose as Christians is the Lord – let him be at the centre of your relationship, and the foundation on which you will build your home. When Christ is at the centre, even when love fades away, he remains. When challenging seasons that threaten to rip you apart come along, your commitment to Christ keeps you together. When you are both grieving the Lord comforts you. When the children take long to come, or do not come at all, he encourages your hearts.
Let me conclude by saying that if you keep your eyes fixed on Christ as you enter into a deeper relationship (hopefully moving on to marriage) with the aim of serving each other as Christ would, your relationship is bound to succeed. Just be sure to keep God at the centre at ALL times!
