The Dating Dilemma

Falling in love is so exciting! Don’t you feel like spending every waking minute with this person you have fallen for?  For a young Christian, though, there are boundaries in dating to think about. Below I share a few tips to help you maintain sexual purity before marriage.

Keep it public, yet private.

I completely understand that you want to spend all your time together, and you don’t want to be disturbed. Things can, however, get complicated when you spend lots of time together out of the public eye, as you will most certainly get tempted to get intimate. To avoid this, meet in public places! Haven’t you ever seen couples in restaurants who are engrossed in each other and oblivious to their surroundings? By the way, meeting in public places also helps you maintain your accountability to one another.

Don’t lose yourself.

Please don’t imagine that you are supposed to lose your individuality when in a relationship. After all, when you get married, you will still have your own life, your friends, your job, etc. Now – there are those values that you held dear even before you started dating, right? Why, then, should you put them aside because you have met the man or woman of your dreams? Stick to what you believe in, be firm on what you stand for, and make your position on ‘sticky issues’ clear. Your partner will respect you for doing so.

Let everyone know you’re ‘taken.’

This business of ‘we’re dating, and nobody is supposed to know’ is not a good idea for anyone who wants to remain pure before marriage. The reason is simple– you will be tempted to do what is not right because you are not accountable to anyone. My advice – once you are dating seriously, let your pastor, family and close friends know. Because they know what you stand for, they will help you stick to your principles and will question you when they see you straying!

Keep things intimate, but not physical.

As always, I love to refer to the Bible, and I found the verse below relevant.

Song of Songs 8:4 “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.”(NLT)

When you awaken love at the right time, it is enjoyable because God is pleased with what you are doing. When you awaken it too soon, however, it comes with all sorts of complications. Case in point – married couples never have to worry about what people think when they get intimate because all married people do it! If you indulge in physical intimacy before marriage, however, you will always be looking over your shoulder.

Make the most of the coffee dates, dinners, long walks, long drives, phone calls and messaging to keep your relationship well-oiled and intimate. It is possible to be intimate even when you are in a crowd! If you don’t believe me, try it out next time you go to a function together!

Remember who owns your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?  You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” (NLT)

The same God who made you in his image is the same God who has brought this person into your life. He, therefore, expects you to honor him in your relationship, by keeping to his standards for sexual purity. After all, you were redeemed with a high price – his only son. You are precious to him, and he wants to you to make the right choices, choices that please him.

Godly dating is possible if you keep the principles and precepts of God close. Most importantly, commit your plans to the Lord, so that he can guide you and direct you in your relationship. Happy dating!

Psalm 37:4 “Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” (NLT)